And so begins the age of the Pilot....
I must admit that having a car accident, while at the time really REALLY sucking, has turned into a somewhat enlightening experience.
I've talked with several people about this.
Apparently near death experiences are well known as purveyors of perspective.
Who knew?
And although a metaphorical wake up call would probably have been easier to handle, I think, in the end, a little perspective is something that I have been sorely in need of.
(It's not surprising, however, that living amongst the tallest trees in the world would skew my perspective a little.)
Long story short (too late!) and without too many details (to spare all of you that have heard them), I am falling back on what got me here in the first place to haul my sorry butt out of the emotional doldrums - my job.
When I first got here, one of the first people I met described me as "driven".
"Driven" has never been a word I have used to describe myself. I have, in fact, often considered myself "inherently lazy", which I think might actually be the technical opposite of "driven".
"Driven" to me implies an almost maniacal compulsion to do something or get somewhere. It is a negative word. To be driven is to sacrifice to achieve a goal.
I am not big on sacrifice.
Regular readers of this blog may remember my heretofore reluctance to be pinned down to what I want - whether in men or the grocery aisles.
Being driven implies that you know what you want.
I think, in most cases, it is still true that I don't know what I want. In most cases, that is, except for my job.
The last month has given me a little clarity. It's showed me that there is deeper meaning in what I'm doing...that there is value in the lifestyle that I am living despite it's social deficiencies.....and that I can be really good at what I do if I just quit revelling in being inherently lazy and instead embrace that fact that being DRIVEN is not a bad thing.
I hope it works.
I hope being driven will get me to where I want to be.....not that I really, decisively know where that is.
But at least now I know the general direction.
Maybe I'll take the Pilot.
4 comments:
That is a very familiar looking cubby...
My new office is not as aesthetically pleasing....and no one's taken my picture in it.
I like your new car - I hope it's as good as the old one at keeping you safe!
I followed your link from WBL over here; very cool to catch up a little and see your pictures. I have a friend who's teaching school on Baffin Island (Canadian far north), and her reflections on her situation are very similar to yours. She loves the job, and puts up with the isolation and unsatisfying social life because of it - but she often wonders about the tradeoff. I think she will probably be coming south next year. Loneliness is a real beast, it's not a trivial thing that's easy to just "get over". (At the same time, the need for satisfying work is real too -- and you're in the rare situation of really loving and excelling at your work. So, one unusually negative aspect, but one unusually positive aspect too)
Anyway - love from here.
When I finally get my own NPS desk, I want a signed copy of the title picture from this blog for it. It will serve as inspiration. Got intangibles?
Post a Comment