And so begins the age of the Pilot....
I must admit that having a car accident, while at the time really REALLY sucking, has turned into a somewhat enlightening experience.
I've talked with several people about this.
Apparently near death experiences are well known as purveyors of perspective.
And although a metaphorical wake up call would probably have been easier to handle, I think, in the end, a little perspective is something that I have been sorely in need of.
(It's not surprising, however, that living amongst the tallest trees in the world would skew my perspective a little.)
Long story short (too late!) and without too many details (to spare all of you that have heard them), I am falling back on what got me here in the first place to haul my sorry butt out of the emotional doldrums - my job.
When I first got here, one of the first people I met described me as "driven".
"Driven" has never been a word I have used to describe myself. I have, in fact, often considered myself "inherently lazy", which I think might actually be the technical opposite of "driven".
"Driven" to me implies an almost maniacal compulsion to do something or get somewhere. It is a negative word. To be driven is to sacrifice to achieve a goal.
I am not big on sacrifice.
Regular readers of this blog may remember my heretofore reluctance to be pinned down to what I want - whether in men or the grocery aisles.
Being driven implies that you know what you want.
I think, in most cases, it is still true that I don't know what I want. In most cases, that is, except for my job.
The last month has given me a little clarity. It's showed me that there is deeper meaning in what I'm doing...that there is value in the lifestyle that I am living despite it's social deficiencies.....and that I can be really good at what I do if I just quit revelling in being inherently lazy and instead embrace that fact that being DRIVEN is not a bad thing.
I hope it works.
I hope being driven will get me to where I want to be.....not that I really, decisively know where that is.
But at least now I know the general direction.
Maybe I'll take the Pilot.